Thursday, March 03, 2005

Flaky? Really

So, i'm sitting at work... i should actually be working, but it is one of those days when i have too much on my mind to really be productive. Writing seems to be the only release on days like this; much to the chagrin of my company and clients.
I want, for just a couple of brief seconds, to go back in time to change that last thing i said or the way i said it. I can't count the number of times i replay conversations in my head and pick out what i should have said... and ultimately feel remorse for what i did not mention. It's a fault of mine to blame myself for the past moments when, in fact, they are past and will never be changed.
I want to be able to turn myself around and stare myself in the face and talk some sense into myself at the exact point that i am going to do something stupid. What a difference that would make... no more hurtful words, moments left unfinished, stupid mistakes. (But, do i really want to stop myself, and would i?)
I guess it's true what Mark Twain said "Years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do.... than by those you did" (paraphrased) However, i am often more disappointed by what i do.
Someone told me today that I was flaky, i'm beginning to agree.

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