Believe me....

....this is how i feel

So, it's been five months and it appears that I'm no closer to having a job than I was five months ago, which, frankly sucks and would possibly suggest I'm doing something wrong. Maybe I should start wearing low-cut tops and short skirts?! At any rate, I'm poor and feeling claustrophobic and contemplating other avenues for my life. Here is a list of things I could possibly do in lue of a job (vote for your favorite!).

1) Join a branch of the military (My dad's suggestion since the day I graduated from college...hmmm)
2) Become a nun (I've always thought it would nice to not worry about doing my hair..it would also save me from those wasted minutes deciding what to wear)
3) Commit a crime (I could subsequently turn myself in and spend time in jail, which would mean I would probably be able to get a prison job as well as further my education for free...possibly learn a new language and some really important survival skills!)
4) Go back to school (and further into debt!)
5) Move back in with the 'rents (and back to Rochester, the land of no opportunity...hey, at least it's free!)
6) Join the circus (this one poses a problem...I don't really have any circus-like talents or freaky deformities...maybe I could be a spokesperson?)
7) Go on the road with Death Cab For Cutie (I've always wanted to be a band-aid and then maybe Ben would realize what he's been missing all along!)
8) Hitchhike around the country (....just yikes!)
9) Get myself kidnapped (this would free me of all guilt associated with not having a job... it's not my fault I'm chained to a bed and don't have the ability to search the internet for jobs, thank you very much) and last but not least:
10) Become a Gold-digger (seriously, I live in Arizona, how hard can it be to find a wealthy old man who has no one to share his wealth with? I could totally live off of that!)

I guess things could be worse and I should really be thankful for the fact that I am blessed enough to have family and friends who love me and put up with me (for the most part) and besides it's Christmas: the most wonderful time of the year, how can I possibly be depressed?! Especially when Santa is coming to town...who wouldn't be excited!!

Merry Christmas, Lovelies!

Musings

So much and so little all at once:

First... new music inspiring and haunting me. If you are in need of tunes to keep you warm on these long winter nights, you can't go wrong with Rachael Yamagata's Elephants...Teeth Sinking into Heart. I can't stop listening to Elephants, Sunday Afternoon, Duet, and The Only Fault. Another new favorite of mine is the latest My Brightest Diamond album, A Thousand Shark's Teeth...beautiful and enchanting. Don't miss Ice and the Storm, Apples, Inside a Boy, and The Diamond. She has a totally unique sound that may take a little getting used to, but I promise it is so worth it!

I've been messing with light and shadow a little with my camera, nothing too super exciting, but I thought I'd share a photo from the other day. Thoughts?



If you are in need of a good book this winter and you have ignorantly or otherwise over-looked a gem of a writer (who hails from small town Indiana, don't hold it against her!) you MUST read The Solace of Leaving Early by Haven Kimmel. I read this book about 4 years ago when I lived in Florida and I get it out every year and re-read it...love it!

Last but not least..I'll leave you with poems...enjoy!

***ode to those who don't get along (or what marriage is really like?)***

we are children
who can't get along
knowing neither why nor how
and caring even less; we are siblings
where is our mother?
who with bated breath demands
commands us to our separate corners-
ending the war.
we have no mother:
we are grown.
we have only us-
missing love


***Great (or what I want marriage to be like)***

What would be great is this:
you and me holding hands
and the wind is blowing my hair
and you reach over and brush
the hair from my face.

And what would be great is this:
You and me laughing
and falling all over each other
because what I said was just so funny
like that night in your bed.

And what would be great is this:
The feel and taste of your lips against mine
and our breath lingering
and our mouths opening and closing
to a rhythm only we can feel

What would be great is this:
you and me
in our rocking chairs
holding each other closer than before
and repeating stories of when we were young
so long ago

Reflections

And would it have been worth it, after all,
After the cups, the marmalade, the tea,
Among the porcelain, among some talk of you and me,
Would it have been worth while,
To have bitten off the matter with a smile,
To have squeezed the universe into a ball
To roll it toward some overwhelming question,
To say: “I am Lazarus, come from the dead,
Come back to tell you all, I shall tell you all”—
If one, settling a pillow by her head,
Should say: “That is not what I meant at all.
That is not it, at all.”

And would it have been worth it, after all,
Would it have been worth while,
After the sunsets and the dooryards and the sprinkled streets,
After the novels, after the teacups, after the skirts that trail along the floor—
And this, and so much more?—
It is impossible to say just what I mean!
But as if a magic lantern threw the nerves in patterns on a screen:
Would it have been worth while
If one, settling a pillow or throwing off a shawl,
And turning toward the window, should say:
“That is not it at all,
That is not what I meant, at all.”

T.S. Eliot from "The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock"

I love you, Peytie

Dear Peyton,
You don't really know me, but I know you pretty well. And, it's kind of like we do know each other because I used to live in Indianapolis, really close to the RCA Dome where you used to play before they built Lucas Oil Stadium. I also worked in Greenwood, IN where I know you have a house...but you never came into the library to visit me, bummer. I also have sort of touched you because this one time my parents were at a Ghost Town in Arizona at the exact same time that Tony Dungy, your head coach, was there and my parents got to meet him and shake his hand. It's kinda like I was shaking your hand because I know that you must shake hands with Tony and I touch my parents hands sometimes...cool, huh?! Plus, one of my friends has this friend who was at a bar one time and you and your buddies came in to the bar after one of your football games and he gave you a high-five! So, we are practically best friends! (that guy also said that you had really soft hands...is that a QB thing or something?!)
Anyway, I'm writing you this letter because I wanted to tell you how sorry I am that I'm not able to see very many of your games this year. You know how I used to live in Indy? Well, now I'm living in Phoenix, AZ and apparently more people in Indy watch the Colts than they do in Phoenix, which is super disappointing and I probably would have waited to move until after football season if I had been made aware of this situation. I did, however, get to watch the first game of the season on Direct TV Sports Package, but I have to tell you, friend to friend, that really wasn't one of your best games, I was a little upset with you and had to turn the game off before the end (which I've NEVER done in my life!). But anyway, I really hate that I don't get to watch you ever Sunday. I do sit in front of my computer watching the play-by-play, but frankly I don't really understand it and it's a little more difficult to follow than watching the actual game (do you think maybe you could explain it to me over coffee sometime?!). Also, I don't get to watch you throw the ball, which is really the highlight of the game in the first place. Do you think you could maybe talk to the broadcast people out here and convince them to show more Colts games instead of the stupid Bears?! (I don't really hate the Bears, I threw that in because of how badly they beat you in the first game.) The good thing is, though, that I can see some of the game replayed when I'm working out at the gym because every TV is on ESPN...it's really the only reason I go!
Well, I just wanted you to know that I was really impressed with your style last Sunday. You must be feeling much more confident now since your surgery. I'm sorry I didn't send you a card or flowers when you were in the hospital. I didn't find out about it until the first game.
Anyway, keep up the good work, because I will be paying attention to the games and I know you don't want to disappoint me! Say hi to Ashley for me. I heard that you two might be getting a divorce? Please tell me that's just gossip. Can't wait to hear from you!

Your's Truly,

Heather

I hope you know what you are doing

I'm a little confused. I don't really understand finances that much, but it's hard to avoid the fact that our market is not doing so well in the money department...mainly because I can't watch SNL without being forced to see a skit about politics or money...geesh, the nerve! For some of us, Ignorance is Bliss, and I watch TV for entertainment, not for education... can I get an Amen?!* Seriously, someone should get this situation under control, because my IRA is loosing money.
Apparently, if we are to believe politicians, Obama and McCain both have a plan to get us out of this mess, which I'm ALL for... I just want to go back to watching funny stuff on TV again... so boys, I hope you know what you're doing, because I can't take much more of this!

Anyway, in honor of this horrible financial crisis, I have a funny comic to share with you, once again thanks to Married to the Sea. Those kids are just so funny!


marriedtothesea.com

And remember, if you think this is bad, just wait.


*I'm not actually serious!

It's just a way of life

So, I have to admit it.. I'm a mix tape kinda girl! I remember making mix tapes for my friends when I was in middle school, I'd even have a little personalized message at the end telling them how great a friend they were! As I got older, though, I stopped making mix tapes for other people (no one really liked or understood the kind of music I was listening to) and started making them exclusively for myself. They were, in a way, a documentation of what I was going through in my life at the time; some people keep journals, some people scrapbook, I make mix tapes! Being that music plays a ginormous role in my life, it's only fitting that during such a tumultuous time in my life: being broke, jobless, dogless, homeless, and in a foreign world; and this country's life with all the economic unrest, I have complied the 'ultimate' Mix Tape! Lucky for you I have decided to share it! I hope the sounds and words soothe your soul!

1) Can't Believe It by T-Pain
2) Hurt You by The Sounds
3) You Can't Count On Me by Counting Crows
4) Foundations by Kate Nash
5) Title and Registration by Death Cab for Cutie
6) The District Sleeps Alone Tonight by The Postal Service
7) Can't Go Back Now by The Weepies
8) It's a Hit by Rilo Kiley
9) House of Cards by Radiohead
10) Read My Mind by The Killers
11) Paper Planes by M.I.A
12) Ghosts by Laura Marling
13) Young Folks by Peter Bjorn and John
14) Intervention by Arcade Fire
15) America by Simon and Garfunkel