lack of motivation begets lack of motivation

i'm less than motivated. i think i've worked a total of 10 hours this entire week. the rest of the time has been spent emailing, looking for places to live, looking for new jobs, talking to co-workers, and staring at the wall. Whoever thought it would be helpful adding the internet to our offices obviously had more confidence in me and my co-workers than we should really be given. I hate that i can become so easily distracted, because it isn't just at work that this happens, it seeps into my "outside work" life as well. It pokes its head into my relationships, my free time, and my hobbies and at the end of the week i can safely look back and realize i haven't accomplished anything. Were did my work ethic go? Where did my pride in my work go? am i just a product of a lacksidasical generation? i don't want my kids to look at me one day and say "gee mommy, you're lazy". this really scares me, but horrible as it is, it doesn't scare me enough to get my butt in gear. Any suggestions to mop away the "lack of motivation" blues??

You almost died vicarioulsy through me

I had the closest brush with death this morning. I was driving to work completely zoned out and with my music blasting so really, none of my senses were working at the time. I'd just like to say that it's not very good when you get to the point where you know a drive so well that you could drive it with your eyes closed because then every time you drive it you are basically driving it with your eyes closed. But anyway. On my drive, just before I reach my place of employment, I have to cross a railroad track. As a general rule, the train schedule is pretty unpredictable, at least to me... the one who doesn't pay much attention. I could arrive the same time every day and only be stopped once by the train, yet for some reason when i cross the track a different time every day there is always a train. The point being, i can't count on the train, and if i could, i wouldn't have seen my life flash before my eyes this morning. Back to the story: as i approached the tracks in my tiny Ford Focus, that would colapse and crush me if ever hit by a train traveling at any speed, i noticed that the red light on the crossing sign was flashing. Ok, wait, let me back up. I shouldn't actually use the word "approached" or the word "noticed". Those words are too calm for the story. What actually happend was I was in the middle of the three-track crossing when i realized with complete horror that the lights were flashing and the arms were coming down on me. And when i "calmly" glanced to my right i was shocked to come face to face with a moving train!! I think my heart stopped beating for several seconds until my head cleared and i jetted off the tracks. I glanced in my review mirror in time to watch the cargo train zoom past, and i took a deep breath just to make sure i was still alive.

I guess that expericence made me realize that life is too short to be wasted working... what's really important in life is making sure my blog is updated! I promise i'll be more faithfull :)